Helping Children Balance Kerala Culture and Global Identity
Malayali children growing up abroad may belong to several worlds at once. They may speak English or another language at school, follow Kerala customs at home and develop friendships with children from many cultural backgrounds.
This multicultural experience can become a source of confidence and adaptability. However, it can also create questions such as:
“Am I Indian, British, American, Canadian, Australian or Emirati?”“Why are the rules in my home different?”“Why do my parents expect me to behave like children in Kerala?”
Parents sometimes respond by increasing cultural pressure because they fear losing their children. A healthier approach is to help children integrate their identities rather than forcing them to choose one.
Identity Is More Than Nationality
A child’s identity may include language, nationality, family history, religion, friendships, interests and the place where they are growing up. These parts do not have to compete.
Research on children and migration shows that children can develop multiple forms of belonging across different places. Parents can help by treating mixed identity as a strength rather than evidence of confusion.
Let Children Describe Their Own Experience
Avoid insisting that children must identify exactly as their parents do. A child born abroad may experience Kerala as ancestral home rather than everyday home.
Ask:
“What does being Malayali mean to you?”
“When do you feel most connected to Kerala?”
“Do you ever feel different from your classmates?”
“Is there anything about our culture that is difficult to explain?”
Listen without turning every answer into a correction.
Explain Differences Without Devaluing Either Culture
Children sometimes hear statements such as “Western culture is bad” or “People in Kerala are narrow-minded.” These messages encourage them to reject one part of themselves.
Discuss differences with balance:
Families may communicate differently.
Independence may begin at different ages.
Friendship and dating expectations may vary.
Privacy may be understood differently.
Respect may be expressed in different ways.
Teach children to evaluate behaviour through safety, empathy and responsibility—not simply whether it is “Indian” or “foreign.”
Avoid Culture-Based Shame
Do not use culture to shame children about clothing, friendships, language, emotions or interests. Shame may produce secrecy rather than genuine cultural connection.
If you have a concern, discuss the specific behaviour and its consequences. “I am worried about your safety” invites more dialogue than “Malayali children do not behave like this.”
Create a Flexible Family Identity
Every NRI family can define what cultural connection means in its own home. It may include:
Speaking Malayalam during certain family routines
Celebrating Onam, Vishu and other meaningful occasions
Preparing Kerala food
Learning family history
Visiting relatives
Maintaining spiritual or community traditions
Discussing contemporary Kerala, not only nostalgic memories
Respecting the culture of the country where the child lives
Support Children Facing Discrimination
Some children may experience teasing about their name, skin colour, food, accent or religion. Do not dismiss this by saying, “Ignore it.”
Listen, document serious incidents and work with the school when necessary. Reinforce that difference is not something the child must apologise for.
When Identity Conflict Becomes Distressing
Consider professional support if your child shows persistent withdrawal, intense shame about their background, school avoidance, severe parent–child conflict or significant changes in mood and behaviour.
The goal is not to determine the “correct” identity. It is to help the child feel secure, understood and able to belong without rejecting important parts of themselves.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal for my child to reject Kerala culture temporarily?
Some children distance themselves from family culture while trying to fit in. Responding with curiosity and positive experiences is usually more constructive than punishment.
How can we preserve culture without being controlling?
Offer language, relationships, celebrations and family stories while allowing children age-appropriate choice and questions.
About Dr. Devi Raj
Dr. Devi Raj is a Developmental Psychologist, Certified Life Coach and Child Behaviour Specialist with over 15 years of experience. She supports NRI families with identity, parenting, communication and adolescent wellbeing concerns.
Book an online Malayalam consultation with Dr. Devi Raj.
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